Long testimonial 15-min read

(March 2020 by Gaurav Gera)

❝I, an INTJ, am an outcome of bad parenting or a bad 'marriage'. A large part of my childhood was spent around a drunk father (whenever he was around) and a distressed (Te) mother.

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A disastrous marriage of an Introverted iNtuitive (Ni) wannapreneur husband into a Sensory here-and-now family.

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Being a defense kid, I was not exactly a social butterfly and did not have people I could call my “friends.” Every time I got ready to let my guard down, it was time to move to another school in another state. This constant displacement through official transfers made it impossible for me to build long-term friendships. I could neither bask in the warmth of friendships nor in the love of my parents.

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Upbringing (unhealthy Te events)

My childhood was a series of miserable events that played a due role in shaping my personality. At the age of 10, I was caught urinating near the school ground. As an extreme form of punishment, my physical education teacher slapped me till my face got swollen. Once, I was pushed down in the school ground and fractured my arms, in what can only be termed as an act of bullying. At the tender age of 14, I went to a pet store to buy a pigeon, hoping it would wipe away my loneliness. The shopkeeper took it as an opportunity to invite me inside and insert his hand into my trousers and feel my private parts.

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Forced Solitude

These childhood ‘scars’ molded me into a vulnerable loner. To top it off, my academic performance in school and college was abysmal, which resulted in me finding a job one year after my B.com. I joined a start-up and learned digital marketing, but was still reclusive. During this period, I also got cheated on by a girl I was seeing, who chose to move on to somebody who was more successful in his career. In hindsight, it wasn’t entirely my fault as I was a turbulent INTJ, whose paranoia and insecurity could put Kabir Singh to shame.

 

I then decided to divert my energy to my career and focus on market research, which was a turning point in my life. I quickly got promoted and within two years I was holding a well-paying position of a project manager. Despite all this, I still did not “fit in” according to societal norms. I still could not develop my social skills and resented the corporate world for making it a criteria o move up the ladder.

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Following my heart (iNtuition)

This eventually pushed me to quit that job and start up my own Market Research firm with a friend (That I made post college). I put in all my skills and efforts into building this small firm. It was an instant success with a valuation of more than half a million USD within a year!

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Finding a purpose

I was still not content with life and wanted to attach a purpose and a meaning to my existence. I wanted to contribute to the society and did now know how. That’s when I stumbled upon Gita on YouTube! Understanding Bhagavad Gita helped me gain control over my emotions. I realized that in this world that is emotionally unstable, peace comes from realizing that an emotion originates within you. When you know the origin, you can control its fate. For instance, knowing that the Corona virus (COVID-19) originated from bats (or a laboratory) can help us find a way to combat it. It took me several attempts to understand the true meaning of Gita after which I used my solitude productively to strengthen my mind.

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Gita was just the initial step in reforming my life. I stumbled upon the MBTI personality test, which revealed that I was an INTJ type and that being an introverted/intuitive/thinker is a strength, and not a weakness. Though I was apprehensive about the whole thing initially, the resemblances between the results and my personality were uncanny.

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Connecting the dots

I am a curious person who likes to delve deep into any topic and understand it scientifically. Therefore, I experimented the test on over 100 people to check its accuracy. While the MBTI test in itself isn’t very accurate without in depth understanding of cognitive functions and Jungian analytical psychology, it is the best ‘starting point’ to the self-exploration journey. I am a firm believer of the idea that most of the world’s problems arise from not understanding oneself and MBTI is a good tool to tackle that. For instance, if you’re tested as an Introvert, it is essential to work on your extraversion muscle after you realize it.

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After that, I found a book called ‘Start with why’ by Simon Sinek, which changed the way I thought businesses and the world worked. This book was life-changing and helped me find a purpose. All of these incidents took place during the same time that my businesses failed and my father was diagnosed with bladder cancer. But my business failures do not bog me down as I won’t carry any regrets forward.

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Finding my Soulmate

The major problem in the Indian society is ‘MARRIAGE,’ which became my next difficult phase. If you’re not married before 30, you’re perceived to be odd (25 for girls). There is a common understanding that beyond that age, you won’t find a spouse. This pressure results in marriages where there is no love, causing traumatic childhoods for the kids conceived.

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Unhealthy Extroverted Thinkers aka Bullies are a direct result of bad parenting.

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But I did not want to repeat my parents’ mistakes. I sometimes wonder how different my life would be if they had taken enough time to get to know each other (or themselves at least) before they tied the knot.  Not that I’m complaining. Despite all the odds, I have had success in my entrepreneurial ventures due to the fact that I was capable of connecting dots, improving processes and seeing patterns in events and people much efficiently than my rivals.  I couldn’t have done it without the Gita, MBTI and a purpose. I’m sure if it were someone else, s/he would have ventured into drugs and substance abuse.

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Finding a soulmate is still a Herculean task, especially for introverts like me. Despite the presence of multiple matrimonial sites, it’s the parents who filter out potential spouses. Even if it were left to you, there is no sure shot way to arrive at the right partner except for horoscope and other behavioural/interest matches. But the chances of you enjoying flying kites and enjoying each other’s company, is a little farfetched. And then there are dating sites where (let’s be frank) mostly everyone sign up to hook up.

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Following my heart (once again!)

The right marriage is essential to building a healthy society. This realization made me speak with different personality types offline, but obviously the offline world had fewer choices to offer. And hence I started searching for my soulmate online. That is when I came across TypeMatrimony

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 ...and I found my ENFP (Extroverted iNtuitive or Ne) soulmate here. I felt so connected to her from Day 1 and I can’t thank this website enough. From my understanding the N types (INTJ ENFP ENTP INFP INTP INFJ ENFJ ENTJ) belong to each other.

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[A Bollywood movie that portrays the Te Ne Ni dynamics is Jab We Met. You can plainly see the attraction of the primary unhealthy ENFP (Ne) Geet to a domineering Anshuman (Te), and the better understanding she discovers with Aditya (Ni).]
 

Pre-Marital e-Dates

She was about to marry someone who'd find her "expression" of "love and intuition" silly most of the time, who'd have a more practical approach to life and wouldn't want any changes to the strict routines (which felt like she was being unaware of the future career stressors & related friction from her practical in-laws) How can someone who hasn't overcome difficulty relate to you and stick with you if they haven't built that muscle?

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The Myers-Briggs personality type system is all about your strong muscles and how you present yourself to the outside world. Due to their childhood struggles, Einstein, Elon Musk, and Steve Jobs were able to overcome challenges and obstacles in their chosen fields of work.

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I started e-meets (marketing) with an ENFP; she learned sales (YouTube hacks) & I picked up her skills in communicating clearly (E) and expressing love (F).

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She was raised by a strict police officer and an Intuitive mother. She was not provided the proper care and love in her parenting, where leaving the house was seen as a threat to her life; she was also at her grandparents' most of her childhood (kind of abandoned). Although she had a large family, unlike me, she grew up being introverted (but exercised extraversion). She struggled with sorrow while in tenth grade. Despite being the best student in her class, she was unable to enroll in MBBS. She now uses her YouTube account to teach biology online. She runs an extremely successful business and enjoys writing poetry.

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Marriage & Entrepreneurship

Her blindspot in business and relationships mirrored mine; we developed into one another. Our businesses struggle as well but we still "get" each other.

 

I found my ENFP Soulmate using TypeMatrimony. I am lucky I found her 😊❤️ She understood me really well since our initial e-meetings and still does. We got married after a few months of getting to know each other and I can’t tell how amazing my life has been since! We just get each other due to our shared iNtuition. Our common love language is Fi (Introverted Feeling aka Understanding); Of course, we fight, there are problems like in any relationship, but it’s like a match made in heaven for me.

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I introduce myself as a Te dominant Veer, and in a world of Machine (AI) vs. Human suffering, I discovered my Zaara. (Ref: Bollywood film Veer-Zaara)❞

—Gaurav Gera | Business owner, Bengaluru | Abridged version of the viral Quora answer

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❝Why did an adamant (Te) Bauji finally say JA SIMRAN JA?❞

Founder Speaks: www.quora.com/What-is-Bharat-2-0/answer/Sandeep-Panazhi-2

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❝My husband came out as Gay. IT WAS TOUGH.❞

TEDx Talk (by a Te dominant Myers-Briggs Consultant)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gBkIyJ7kf_Iz